I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
