I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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