uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize