Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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