He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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