Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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