oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
oh god was she eating orange peels again
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Randomize
