Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
