You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
