Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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