He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
