The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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