I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize