I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
