Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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