2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
