rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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