I'm so fucking centered right now
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
