She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Randomize
