I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
