brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
