And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
