She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Sponge bath it is.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
