just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
