I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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