I'm drive I can fine osifer
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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