Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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