So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
