you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
