I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
