yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
