Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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