Kiss
Puke
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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