You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize