My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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