You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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