a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
