If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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