It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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