I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
