At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
