u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
