How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
