need another drink. this is the easiest way
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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