I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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