He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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