I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
