ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Oh god it's open bar.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
