So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
