she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
True strength comes from lack of pants
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
