Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
