If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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