She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
