we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
