During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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