I am puke
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
