In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
