Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
