Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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