I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
