then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
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