I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
