Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
