I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
two words...techno handjob
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
