I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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