She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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