i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
